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Need Air!

Tomorrow I'll be going to Ain ElSukhna. We'll stay there for 10 days inshAllah. I'm so looking forward to it. To letting loose, getting my mind off the day-to-day hassle over here and focusing on what's more important at the moment: How can I reject M. politely, not hurt his feelings, and make it clear that it's for no reason at all other than I'm "just not into him". Another thing too, how can I not let him meet my dad for an official proposal, because then my dad would like him & when he'd ask me why am I refusing, what am I to say? I don't like him? He'll tell me you will in a while. Love comes after time. But what if Love didn't come? I mean my heart feels NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING towards him. Ain't I supposed to feel uneasy when he's around, or self-concious, or happy, or silly or whatever people feel when they're around the person who they think theyll marry?

Is it OK for me to reject him just for that reason (which to many people here is the least important thing)? I still cannot free myself of the guilt. I've talked myself over and over to sit with him again, to see him work, he even made friends with all my colleagues...and still no use. I'm not asking for a fairytale, nor love at first sight (though I DO believe in it hehe), but all I ask is to at least have a crush on the guy!

So I guess 10 days are enough for me to rethink this. "This" as in how to reject, there's no point of rethinking him being my fiance, I have had enough thinking about that- ENOUGH! By the way, I know I should treat him just like any person who'd ask for a real relationship and I'd just say No. But M. is very sensitive and so in love. He knows I don't love him back so I'm not tagging him along by any means, but he hopes that I would someday!!!! I rejected him once before. I was honest and said it clearly, M. I can't agree because I don't "like" you. He cried on the phone!!!!! I saw myself a monster. I mean how could a man "cry" on the phone?? After that, he was away for 4 months- giving me space to think. Letting his mom speak to mine every once in a while. She said that it's slower for girls to fall in love! I don't believe in that, not one bit.

No more talking about him tonight.

Willing to have lots of fun this summer.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll be back, hoping to hear how this situation turned out.

Thank you Jane. it was nice of you to stop here too. See ya when you're back from ur time off :)

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  • I'm Jannah
  • From Cairo, Egypt
  • If I am as honest as I know how to be, I may discover here as I write, day after day, something in myself, something of my own nature... that I might otherwise not be aware of...
That's it

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