Monday, July 23, 2007

My Fairytale...

Although I already know him very well, yet I insisted on meeting him 3 whole times before giving him my YES. This is no "YES I'll have a drink", not an "OKAY you can take this" nor is it a "AHA whatever prolly next time!" LOL!

it's more of a
"YES I agree to being your life long partner",

a "YES to love you no matter what",

"YES to forgive you, to support you, to respect your presence & ur absence.... to trust you with my heart, and know that you will not break it, that you will cherish it & help me become a better person... all the way... "

" YES I want to pray with you... YES I want to go to Jannah with you...YES YES YES!!!!"

So, my friends, this was no easy YES to me..... it took so many istekharaaas for me to finally get the courage to say it.... and then when I finally did... after 2 months & a half from his proposal... it was our FATIHA.

Both families gathered, it was supposedly a normal gathering, where they would decide when to meet again & read the fatiha for our engagement. Then suddenly after 2 hours of family normal & fun stuff talk, his father stood up, took my father and told him I want you aside!!!I felt a little lump in my throat... I knew what his father was going to do, but it surprised me, how he did it! So politely, yet so eager... it made me feel like a gem, like he's saying let's not wait a minute longer... His father understood his son well, he knew that he's been patient enough!!! I've driven him mad already with my over a month after exams to give him my YES... After a while they both came, happy with their agreements, and his father announced that "it's an honour to propose to Jannah & ask her hand for our son.... it would make us most happy if we'd read the FATIHA, & may Allah bless them & grant them happiness."

That was it. Everyone hugged & kissed. I watched while his mother took him in her arms, it was very heart touching to me. Although she is giving him away to me, yet in my mind, deep down, that scene touched me, and I never want to stand in between that hug of theirs. I felt so happy, how his mother & both his sisters love him so much... & now they love me too. When his mother hugged me, she didnt want to let go, she almost cried out of happiness & I almost cried out of shyness! The next day his sister told me, "I believe noone loves my brother like I do, I thought I'd be jealous, but I love you so much, I want you to take him & I don't mind. He's all yours! " LOL It was so awkward to me... I'm still surprised at it all... so her words were so far away to me, like HUH, me? take who? & all I could say was "Hell no, I'm not taking him!!! we're all gonna be a big family, everyone a big part of the other's life". why did I write this post in the first place?

Yes... it was about my Fairytale :)

I remember, last year on this blog I said sth about my marriage dream, I wrote that I wish he'd love me at first sight, and keep it inside him till it's the right time to propose... I would be like his water after a long thirst, someone who he has to wait & work... in order to get my father into considering him a good suiter & agreeing. I believed that it is childish & unrealistic... that it may not come true but the thought of it was very romantic to me... SubhanAllah..... I am absolutely surprised & thankful to say that my little fairytale came true!!! He told me he wanted me before he ever even started talking to me... which was 2 years ago... & that he had to wait, and beared almost a year of finding jobs, & when he got a stable job he took his step... I do not know what to say... I didn't pray or ask for my fairytale to come true... I just found joy in it... as a thought in my unrealistic head... the fact that it DID come true makes me speechless... VERY THANKFUL.. elHamdullaaah!!!

Here are my words... November 2006 Inner Clutter:

I always tried to ignore my silent refusal of an arranged marriage with my other loud thought that it's all destiny, be it arranged or not. Most arranged marriages have- until now- succeeded. and most love stories have failed. Yet deep inside, my vision of my future husband is someone who loved me and hoped for me to be his wife, and when the circumstances became suitable, he came and proposed. Someone who kept it inside him until it was the right time for him to propose. I, on the other hand, would love or like him too and his proposal would be like a dream come true to me. LOOOOOOOOOL, honestly the last paragraph is hilarious, my vision is possible, but very unrealistic. My mother swears that I'm the most unrealistic person she every saw and links it to romance, that most romantic people are unrealistic. I then would quarrel back (each and everytime), "Mama, I'm not romantic and definitely not unrealistic!!!!"...

Friday, July 06, 2007

The Wheels on the Bus Go...

That's where I've been going for the last 5 years. Round and Round.... round and round... It's like after each term you could ask me: So where are you going? I'd say: Back to where I started! Back & Forth... back & forth with the only thing actually changing is me getting older! Which was the best part of it all... the fact that less & less years were left for me to graduate was a very far but extremely happy thought. Girls used to say to me: OOOHHH we don't believe we're growing up... we're graduating... we're gonna be BIG girls... I have no idea how they found that irritating while I found it really coooool!

So now I graduated, guess I'm ready to be a big girl, though I'm still as childish as ever, easily excited, fun-loving, tearful in a minute, laughing the minute after.. OMG and is that what you call ready to be a big girl? Problem 1 identified... Me is not a big girl.

Okay, I'll rephrase... I'm just the same... exactly the same , what's new is I graduated! Ooops... and when will I ever change???When will I lose my eeeew-it's-a-cockroach-personality? Now problem 2 is identified! so me is just ME,, which is not a problem, it's a good thing! Problem 2 vanished yooohooo!

That's fine... it's okay if I'm not a big girl... it's fun being here on this non-big girl side of life. Isn't the other side just plainly boring? I don't wanna change that part of me coz it's a huge part of who I am... and it's a miracle that I got into college & out, without that changing. (By "That" I mean many things, partly: the jumping up & down, the laughs straight from the heart, the I love my mommy, the no I will not touch a raw chicken, the every happy thing has its own dance, the koochy noochy kamalootchy whenever I see a cute baby.......... okay okay I'll stop it!! HAHA) so where was I? yes, I'm making myself feel better that I am in no need to change myself if I'm managing to study, work, have tons of friends with me being me. I should feel satisfied and thank Allah that its those little things that bother me sometimes, not the big things like hatred, jealousy, constant comparisons... and others that would take YEARS to handle. elHamdulellaah :)

I am happy. For every reason that I could think of. Here a few happy thoughts (try this.. it works like magic!)
**being able to read Quraan,
**supporting my mother in everything & constantly hearing her duaa for me "Allah yeg3alek men el mos3adeen", I don't what "mos3adeen" means, but I guess she's saying, may Allah make you happy.
** making both my sisters (little one and big one) happy whenever I can.
**graduating... finally!!!!!!!!
**eating lots of fruits & vegetables... grape juice every day, carrot juice (tastes horrible but I force myself to drink it!) every 2-3 days...
**My clothes are so colorful, they give me joy!
**driving whenever I want to. I just turn the engine on... and ....I'm off!
**mr charming who has just come into my life when I didn't expect a thing!!! I'm still surprised... didn't say my YES yet... theyre all still waiting, I'm still thinking.... there's nothing yet, but the thought of him makes me happy! Pray for me, everyone out there :)

There's just one sad thing though, I've been missing Fajr prayer for 2 days now... which got to me so much, but I just brushed it off, and felt like "Try again tomorrow!"

& till I see you all again... let's pause at "never never never never GIVE UP!!!" :):)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

His Proposal

Just 8 days after my post " Here she goes again" he proposed!

I was in the lab, it was a final practical exam, and being there 6 hours early to study, I was a complete wreck! As usual, when I'm tired I get dizzy, so I wanted to get this exam over with, and LEAVE!
After I was done with the exam (from 1 to 3 p.m), my friend M. and I were walking lazily in the hall looking for the water stand... we were dead thirsty. So I'm coming towards the end of the hall, and I see him standing there, talking on the phone and looking at me.
I was thinking OOOOH MYYYYY GOOODDDDDD... this is NOT happening!
M notices him and tells me
heeeeeeeeyyyy did you see how he looked at you?".
Me: "yea whatever, who is crazy enough to look at me at the moment."
M: AAAAWWWW come on you know you are pretty at all times!
Me: No i'm not! You need glasses!
M: Jannah, matzabaty ba2a (hook up with him), he looks so good!
Me: I don't play those games you know that. makansh da ba2a el7aal. (i.e. I would have been engaged by now if I knew how to! Hamdulellah that is an art I know nothing of!)
M laughs and says: I'm not worried about you. I know Allah will make you happy.

We come back from the same route to get our stuff, and he stops me there. Since my sister was a few steps away, I didn't feel very trapped. M was also very near, looking for our things.

Him: You walked by me, am I transparent?
(He knows I walk past all guys I know, they are all transparent, so I guess he was just starting a conversation)
Me: oh well, we were looking for sth.
He asked about the exam, and said sth about finishing work early at Tayaran St. so he thought he'd pass by. I don't know where Tayaran St. is(which is very popular) and he jokes about how I'm so much like B. his sister, who also never memorizes streets!
Me: Yes, I'm always lost out there.
He: Then how do you manage?
Me: Oh I ask strangers and they always help out haha.

He: did you think about the topic I told you about last week? (when he said it's about a suitor, and I refused to meet him).
Me: No, there was nothing to think about.
He: el3abd leAllah 3ayez yet2adem le7adretek. (Allah's slave wants to propose to you)

I loved how he lowered his eyes and said this, and how he said "Allah's slave" instead of I. I didn't know that a guy with an outgoing personality as his could be very humble and shy! I can't express how I felt at that moment... I was blushing like crazy and I knew that my uneasiness showed! was very embarrassed and didn't know what to say. He waited, and all I gave him was another awkward pause, a look the other way... and then I said:

"Hold on, you can talk to my sister"

haha... we laugh alot when recalling this situation.

So I called her , and when she came, all I could say was: el3abd leAllah. etfadaly. (Allah's slave. Go ahead). She pretended not to understand, but being my sister I knew she understood well exactly what just happened. I thank Allah that in this situation I had my sister around to stand by me, and not anyone else.

They talked and talked. and at first I was leaving, then she held on to me, and said: You have to be here.
All the time I wouldn't look at any of them, and he kept on saying: Does she hate me that much! My sister would laugh and say: No she's just surprised!. She cleverly shifted the conversation about her fiance, then about his work... then he shifted it back to if it's ok to call my father. She joked about not knowing our dad's number, to see if he's really serious, and when he panicked (thinking this is a polite refusal), she said: no no I have it of course, here it is... (haha)

That whole conversation took about an hour.

Next day he called daddy. and they met the day after that, on a Tuesday.
Daddy came home looking very pleased, which is not his usual when it comes to suiters. He looked VERY PLEASED!

Last Friday, his father called daddy, and the 3 of them met. Now daddy likes his father too!
And I, during the past few weeks, have been praying so much estekhara, every day, and saying duaa in every sojood... I do hope things would go well. He's so good. A real man mashAllah. The good sign is my dad's approval, which is very unusual, he's always not liking the fact that suitors come. He gave my sister's fiance a hard time over his jealousy. But elhamdullellah... I hope things go smoothly from now on.

Now everyone is waiting for 2 things: 1- My exams to end... 2- My approval.
When daddy asked me when will you agree? I said, when I sit with him first. I have some questions. Will prolly discuss them here first before meeting him.

but until then... pray for me PULLEEEZZZ. May Allah choose what's best for all of us girls who have tried hard, and went through so much jihad to please Allah and to stay pure, soul and body, until the right man comes.
P.S. I chose a leaf with raindrops on it... coz it reflected life so much... like at times we are like a dried leaf, then we pray so much... and that same leaf finds water and becomes alive again. The raindrops look so recent and fresh... the leaves haven't absorbed them yet... they need time, becoz they weren't used to the beautiful rain... they can't blend now, although they can't wait... but they need time.


Tuesday, May 15, 2007


It was difficult perhaps, to be immensely strong and immensely tender at the same time. Gentleness implied a weak spot somewhere, like that spot of decay that makes an apple soft.

from the novel "Green Dolphin Street" by Elizabeth Goudge


Saturday, April 21, 2007

There She Goes Again

WOW it's been a while since I've last blogged! OK... salam alaikum first :)

Hope everything is going on fine with all of you...

I'm starting my final FINALS in 20 days, this is the last term ever inshAllah, after that, we're all on our own. I'm filled with excitement @ the thought of graduation. It's like telling a prisoner "Man, your jailtime is over, you're FREE!". Like a prisoner, I'm a lil bit confused at the life out there, the thoughts aren't clear yet... the picture is quite foggy... but nevertheless, ANYTHING is hopefully better than being a student in one of the most difficult faculties in the country! So, in that area of my life... ME JUST CAN'T WAIT!

In another area, however, I've discovered that I'm the most picky person any man can propose to! Which is aweful, you know, I never thought of myself as picky. I hate picky people & I've never been picky in my life... till just 2 months ago... when after my sister's engagement,lots of suiters started proposing. I explain the reasons to myself, & I'm quite convinced actually. You see, if you live in Cairo, then I guess you know the picture. If you don't, then you don't.

For eg.
Suiter number 1:Engineer. 32 yrs old. Proposed the moment he saw me. Friend of sister's fiance. Not religious.
There's nothing wrong with being 32 yrs old. But I'm 20 you see? 12 yrs difference is alot in my eyes. Plus, he's not religious.

Suiter number 2: Ophthalmologist (Eye Doctor). 27 yrs old. Again, the moment he saw me. Friend of sister's fiance. Prays ever Friday.

Suiter number 3: Engineer. 25 yrs old. Friend of sister's fiance. Party Guy. Doesn't pray.

Suiter number 4: Engineer. 29 yrs old. From KSA. His mother proposed once she saw me.
(Aw come on, Egyptian men have a charm, a lovely spirit, and are real men. Plus, I didn't even understand a word the woman said... my mother had to translate! Is he supposed to tell me Good morning, and I say WHAT, plz translate? hehe! In addition to that, leaving the country is out of question, even if it's with an Egyptian man. )

Suiter number 5: Pharmacist.21 yrs old. Student with me. Very religious & very in love.
My father refused to meet any undergraduates. Plus, on the scale of attraction, I score zero with this guy!

.... Ok.. let me stop here, and put down some notes. Here's what I saw from my analysis to those and the others. There aren't any rules, these are just a few criteria that may be true:
  • If the man is muslim, then it doesn't necessarily mean that he prays. Those, are mostly good-looking. Their personality, not attractive.
  • If the man is muslim + he prays, he may not be religious either & most probably has no religious ambitions. Also, could be good looking & open minded, has a good personality. ( Sister's fiance, stands here.)
  • If the man is muslim + he prays + he's religious, then he doesn't want you working, he wants your life to be all about your husband, and your kids. Ambitions, are not allowed. You're not superwoman, and your job never was to fix the country. Fix your home first. I forgot to add, that this kind never gets satisfied either.
Can't a girl wish for a muslim, who prays, has respectful morals, a great personality(including romantic, ambitious, hard worker, and tender), is open-minded, AND RELIGIOUS??? Are those characters, that I dream to be in my future husband, so hard to find?

No, they're not hard to find. Because, in came suiter number 11, with all those in him, but... I scared him away! HAHA (laughing out of disappointment in myself)... I don't believe I did that!

First, how did I get to know him?
Last year, when we were working in a conference, he was part of the team. He was one year older, so now he's working. I noticed him, yes, because he'd always come and help me, or solve any issues for me. But I never noticed he had feelings for me. I was so busy in getting things done. Then after a year, when he'd already started working at a great job, he came to college and saw me. He said Hi, and since I don't talk to guys at college, I kept it short. But I noticed, just then, that this guy has some feelings or is up to something.(aha.. i read eye language)

On the attraction scale from 1 to 10, my attraction towards him scores 20! Which is a good sign, to me, bec. I came to a point when I didn't get attracted to any of the others, and thought, is there sth wrong with me?

Anyways, I did scare him away, by not agreeing to meet him @ college. He kept on trying to convince me, saying that it's important, & that it will surprise me. I didn't change my opinion. Then he said, it's about a 3arees ( a suiter), and that he has to tell me face to face, it's the only right way, and to my surprise, my reply was: My principles (that I don't meet guys) are more important than any topic! OMG... Yes I'm glad I stood up for my principles. & if he's really serious he could find a way... he knows my sister, his sister knows me... whatever, he should think of sth.
But my engaged sister, when she heard this, told me " you have just driven away the best man that has ever come knocking at your door, I bet now he fears rejection more than anything!, you could have just agreed, and I would have come with you, so u wouldn't have been alone with him, & that's not against ur principles (yes she's right, but I didn't think of that alternative at the time) ... anyways... he'll come again. I don't think he'll let go that easily."
and my answers were... if he wants to let go, Let Him! and if he's really driven away, then that is Allah's will... so alhamdullelah for anything & everything!

Another reason for refusing to meet him (other than my scary principles, yes), is that I knew that I'd get all blushy, red, and shy listening & seeing him propose face-to-face. I know I won't stand strong & tall while he says it & I don't want him to notice that. Not just now.

Ah well... a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, and a man's gotta wonder when he'll ever get through! HAHA!

Lastly, I've prayed istekhara, and have complete yaqin that if he's "the one", Allah will let him try again, and if he's not, then elhamdulellah, I don't wish for anything other than Allah's will. I know that what is in store for me is better than I've been hoping for. Please pray for me.

may Allah choose what's best for all of us, see all soon.


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Saturday, March 03, 2007

Problems disappearing

There's something weird about this blog. No seriously! Whenever I write something here, an issue that's on my mind, or something that's bothering me, after a few days it gets solved. It's like that someone somewhere who reads, connects and prays for me, makes a difference. A real difference, subhan Allah! I've sensed it, more than once, that when I write here, things get better afterwards elhamdullellah... Although we're all complete strangers, but our hearts are connected by Allah...

Our hopes for eachother cross our ever strange bridges... It's amazing, I think of it like Allah's miracle... when I get affected by certain bloggers, get upset when they're down, and get happy when they're doing fine... then I pray for them, knowing they cannot hear me, they don't know anything, but Allah SWT hears, Allah knows.

I remember, when one of the bloggers got a new job, I was thrilled, excited, wishing him all the best. Or when another one went to Hajj this year and came back with a different spirit, I was so happy and couldn't hide it. When a blogger's husband lied to her about things, and didn't tell her about his other wife, she wrote, I was hurt, I wanted to hug her, and tell her screw him, I couldn't bare reading how hurt she was, she is now at peace with her herself (hopefully), I am too. Another blogger who is engaged, writes alot about his lovely feelings with his fiance, I'm always pleased at his blog, wishing him a happy life. And another who has just got married, I was happy too, and prayed for him.

- Those having exams, may they pass with flying colors.
- Those hunting for jobs, may they find an even better option that what they were looking for.
- Those depressed, may their depression get lifted off their chest & their smile returned to it's place :)
- Those confused, ,may their confusion end.
-Those wishing for true love, may they find it.
-Those needing money, may Allah SWT open all the doors that will help them live comfortably.
- Those waiting, may their waiting stop.
-Those wishing for children, may Allah bless them with children.
-Those who have children, may they live to see them the happiest.
it goes on & on & on... it never ends... that connection :)

I wrote this post to thank you all... every reader, and every blogger I visit... for the difference you have made to me... you may choose to share, or you may not... but the connection remains.

C ya soon, everyone!

Lots of love,
Assalam alaykum

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Distances Expanding

My Sister's engagement...

ya Allah... what am I to do? Things have been happening lately at home with her & K, her fiance. We've been getting ready for the engagement day, choosing our dresses, shopping and all that... but then we started to discover that the guy isn't that good. Now? Subhan Allah, YES now! His family, his sister who was our very close friend no longer calls or talks to us! Let his family aside now, K is more important to discuss.
Here's sort of the picture;

The man is 100% Down-to-Earth, Materialistic, Practical. He has no place for emotions as long as he's paying for something. Yes he shows it! He's always worried if he's going to lose anything. What is this? Marriage isn't supposed to be like that. It's between emotions and reality. Why can't he balance?I love my sister. I want her to be happy. I try not to say anything infront of her, so she wouldn't get upset. Everything is clear already, how practical he is, how he doesn't think before he says anything... she doesn't need me to open her eyes... but I do manage to say my opinion every once in a while so that she'd THINK. Well... she isn't doing any THINKING yet... no matter how many things he says, or situations he puts her through. You'll tell me leave her alone. Stay out of her business. HOW CAN I???? I love her like crazyyyyyy, thinking about this guy and the fact that he'll be her husband drives me nuts. I pray every day for her, and for him. I ask Allah to choose what's best for both of them. She doesn't understand, doesn't see... there's a saying that goes like " Allah wakeel alghaflaan" which means Allah is the supporter of those who are in Balala Land (those not aware of the reality around them), I like this translation LOL.

My mother feels the same as me & is having a hard time being around him. If this is how my mother is now, then what will she feel AFTER marriage? It's sad. There's no happiness in the house. This is not the atmosphere of a pleasant lovely optimistic engagement that every girl dreams of.

Daddy has nothing against them... he believe being THIS practical moneywise isn't that bad in the circumstances Egypt is going through these days. Noone knows what he'll still possess in the years to come.

My sister is beautiful, delicate, innocent, real kiiiind... I just wish he'd have a good heart like hers so she'd be happy. Hearts change don't they? But do MEN EVER CHANGE??? I've always believed in the rule that says "love as is, never try to change...", if only that rule was wrong, then the man would change into the most suitable kind and loving person for my sister... oh well...

Still... I am hopeful. Very hopeful. Who knows what the future will hold? May be this is just a shallow image of the guy... may be he'll be the best husband ever to her... may be being materialistic won't harm her... maybe maybe maybe... What do I know? I LOVE HER and want her to be happy. This is her choice afterall. Life is a couple of choices. I only wish this one would be taken wisely.

Not much

  • I'm Jannah
  • From Cairo, Egypt
  • If I am as honest as I know how to be, I may discover here as I write, day after day, something in myself, something of my own nature... that I might otherwise not be aware of...
That's it

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