Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Ramadan- The hidden treasure

Thirst in Ramadan
Still a few hours till the clock would tick 6 pm, the time where all muslims in Egypt will drink their first sip of water since 4 a.m. almost 14 hours of hard work, schools, driving, cooking, studying... whatever stuff they had to do during such a hot sunny summer day- today.

If you asked any one around here right now: what do you wish for? They'd immediately answer: a sip of cold delicious water! Yes, after being deprived of water for so many hours, it suddenly becomes "delicous" in the eyes of thirsty creatures as ourselves.

However, after not eating or drinking for so many hours we'd usually feel our grumpy nature showing when dealing with others. Our patience gets thinner and thinner. Then amidst the thirst, grumpiness, impatience and fatigue, we find ourselves calm and peaceful. So peaceful that we don't give away to our inner urge to answer back, stare back, or bother any person on the way. It's like we're telling them; "Harm me all you want and for as long as you want, I will forgive you. I need God's forgiveness so much and I won't get it unless I forgive everyone else."

Happiness in Ramadan
As the minutes tick away, it gets nearer to 6, and a feeling of happiness overwhelms me. Not because I'll drink & eat in a few minutes, no, but because I'm so tired and exhausted just to please Allah. I stare into space, with my ached head I'd think: All this is for You Allah, please accept the good deeds I have done today for Your sake, and then I'd ask for anything I want... anything... and I swear that it's a matter of months till my wish gets fulfilled infront of my eyes.

I forget almost everything I ask for, after a few days, so that when they're answered later, I never remember that this was my prayer just a few months ago! So this year I decided to write them all down, so that when they're answered I'd remember and celebrate the beautiful feeling of your simple prayers getting answered.

Helping in Ramadan
You might have noticed the Ramadan food bags that are getting packed in almost every street in Cairo. Thousands and thousands of huge bags full of food supplies that would fit a whole month are being distributed and spread to almost every poor family in every neighborhood.
The way we've done it here was so cooperative.
1-Girls make the money deals at the markets to get the highest quality with the lowest prices
2-Guys would unpack them from their cartons
3- Girls would pack them in bags, one bag for every family, in a very organized way.
4- Guys would carry the bags to their cars and hand them to the families at their doorstep.

and didn't you notice young men wearing the same colored t-shirts standing on street sideways with bottles of cold water, dates and fresh juice at exactly 6 pm so that if any one was late getting home to eat, they'd just stretch their hand out of their car window and the young man would give him everything for FREE. Just for the sake of doing something good, not wanting anything in return.

Togetherness in Ramadan
Families who haven't seen each other for ages gather around the same table eating delicious food- together. They'd joke, laugh, and have all the fun you could imagine. When they'd leave at midnight, it's like they're flying, like nothing is more joyable than a huge family of all ages, sitting almost on top of eachother in a not so big home.

At 6 pm, my little family of 5 would gather around our table and we'd all eat together. At non-Ramadan days, each of us would just eat whenever he/she gets hungry. Don't have to wait for the other to come. It's a normal day, not Ramadan.

Prayers in Ramadan
After you've ate, drank and had your cup of tea, then comes the need for peace again.
-You can never have enough of it, can you? of wanting more closeness and getting more exhausted for Allah. Haven't you had a hard day already? You need a rest... go take a nap.
-No, my rest is there.
-behind that man with the most beautiful musical voice in reciting the Qur'aan.
-But you'll stand on your bare legs for 2 whole hours!
- It's worth it. I wouldn't miss listening to him for the world. and the feeling when standing next to almost a thousand others, not knowing any of them, yet having the heart and unity of one man, is a treasure only a fool would sleep and miss it!

-Take me with you. Will I feel it? Like you do?
-You will, if you lose all your barriers. If you throw every ego you have away. If you tell yourself: Allah, here I come. Accept me!

The Imam I pray behind for 2 hours (called the TARAWIH prayer) is a student in medicine school. Thousands of people pray behind him. His voice is the most beautiful I have ever heard. I don't know how he does it, but just from the fatiha, I find myself lost in the prayer, not wanting to leave.

I may come again with more about Ramadan. Today is the 4th day and already I am grieving for the moment when the last day arrives.A day very similar to taking a loved one to the airport, letting him leave, not knowing when you'd ever- if ever- live to see him again.

Meanwhile, till I come again, why not listen to a child reciting the Qur'aan. This is my first time to listen to a child reciting so beautifully as this one:

Wishing everyone a lovely, blessed, forgiving and peaceful Ramadan!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Blind for a minute

3 days ago I was in the Eye surgery Clinic to sign up for the Lasik Eye Surgery. Since childhood I've been forced to drag myself along with eye glasses. Every year I'd buy a new one, until over the years I got used to it on my face. When I was 10 I wanted so much to wear lenses, but due to health risks, I got a big no no for my most wanted request.

I turned 16, got into college and it was finally safe for me to use those magical transparent lenses I've always dreamed of. Every 6 months, I'd buy 6 new pairs that would get disposed every month. There was always the feeling of exhaustion in and around my eyes due to wearing them for long continuous hours for so many days in a row. There was NO WAY that I was going to go out with my glasses again, so my lenses had to cope with the extra and super-extra load I had forced on it for me to simply SEE.

Ok, back to the Lasik surgery. Every one was saying how simple it was. "You won't feel a thing!" was the most common quote heard from many patients. "Just don't move... if you move, your eyes will screw up- NEVER MOVE YOUR HEAD!"... people went on and on about how the operation was a piece of cake bla bla bla. Even the Dr. took his turn; oh those pretty eyes will be just fine, he assured me.

So everything was dreamy weamy including my mood. I was sure that I won't feel a thing.

In I went into the operation room and layed myself down on the patient bed. The Dr. started whistling & singing something that had the words "beautiful eyes" in its lyrics, probably to cheer me up.

Dr: ...hmmm... gamal 3oyoono.. hmm (humming the song).
I place the back of my head on a special cushion set for it. A huge wide device slowly moves over my head.

Dr: Listen to every word I say during the operation. DON'T MOVE at all.
Me: Yes Dr.
Dr: You'll be just fine, habibti.
Me: I'm fine. Let's start.
His assistant drops an anaesthetic into my eye that hurt like hell. After a while, I can't evern feel my eye.
She wipes a sterile green thingy all over my face. I can't remember its' name.

Operation starts.
Dr. still humming.
I try to relax and ease the stiffness in my neck, back of my head, back and stomach but fail to ease or ignore the nerves.
They plaster both my upper and lower eyelashes to the skin beneath them so that my eyes wouldn't blink.

Dr.: Look at the green light. and don't look at anything else no matter what happens.
I look at the green light that flashes so near to my eye.

I just discovered that this entry is getting longer than was intended when I first started to write it. However, it is fun boring myself and people with the very unneccessary introduction ever, especially when the whole point of the post has not been introduced yet hehe!

Moving on...

They start with my right eye.
The Laser beam operates, giving an aweful chemical electrical smell + a loud steady noise. I continue looking at the green light with my right eye ( my left being covered).

Dr.: Open your eyes wider.
I give it my best shot.

Then after a while, I see nothing.
Not the device, not the white light around its edges, not the green light... nothing. My eyes were hurting me so much and I saw black.
The Dr. didn't prepare me or say anything about not seeing ANYTHING. That it's okay and I shouldn't panic.

So I did exactly the opposite. I panicked. I moved my head and I couldn't lie still. The Dr, his assistant, and other assistant- screamed at the same time. NOOOOOO DON'T MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUR HEEEEEEAAAAAADDDD.

I could still see nothing... stiffed myself into stillness and thought like a baby; I want my mommy and I want to get out of here! haha.

The operators calmed down after that, my sight returned too, along with a stress headache and a racing heartbeat pounding in my ears.

Everything went fine after that. My left eye was much easier coz I knew when I'd see black and I was calm thank God.

What surprised me was the first thought that rushed through my head when I first experienced seeing nothing with my right eye.

It was: Is this how blind people feel? Under surgery, I felt my suffocation increase just by thinking of blind people! I've always carried an inner sympathy in me towards them, sometimes imagining how they live through their days, months and years ...

Sympathizing with others is something. Thinking about them UNDER SURGERY is another. What, did I have to feel sorry for them NOW? Why not after I'm done with the surgery?

I don't know, but thinking about them then stiffed me more and could have harmed my lovely eyes. We shouldn't ever let feelings control us so strongly. Feelings are good. We can't live without them. but having them at a higher rate than normal and at the absolute wrong time could be very damaging to both our physical & mental health.

On the medical non-freaky side, there is a very logical explanation for what happened to me during the surgery. That the nurse FORGOT to give me the Anxiolytic (mohade2) and sedative (monawem) that is essential to be given to all patients to calm down their nerves. Welcome to Egypt!!! Since, I am an Egyptian too, so I managed to give her a hard time after the operation- when it was just too late! Welcome again to Egypt :-)

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Love, Fear & the Unknown

O' Lord, My God, Who has created my heart, my mind and all that's mine
Who has answered all my prayers before... I ask you, and only you for my deepest wishes and desires.
I am afraid of love, of giving my heart and soul
I'm afraid of the pain, the need, the always wanting more!
I'm afraid of hurt, of tears, of a dream not being fulfilled.
I'm afraid of my fantasy getting crashed by reality.
I'm afraid of not being what he thinks I will be.
If my self is not good enough, then who will I ever be?

O' Allah, if he'll be good to me, my heart, my thoughts, and my whole being
If he'll love me like he does now and as the years go by he'll love me more
If he will help me endure living in this rough world
If he will take my hand to heaven
If he will encourage me to fulfill my dreams
and reach my goals...
If he with his presence all the doors of faith, patience, knowledge and respect will open...

O' Allah... If he will be all what I wished for in all my dreams,or a little more or a little less, then make it easier for us to be together.
For you know what has been, and what will be, and I do not. You know if in 30 years I will regret or will be content, and I do not. I have no strength to choose because I don't know the future, it's only in your hands, so help me.

If in 30 years or more, I will regret seeing him and being with him, then close every door that will lead me to him and let me not see his face or dream of him. O'Allah, you hold the keys to my heart and to his, if I will not be good to him till I die, let him not love me any more and let him forget me and bless us both with whatever good destiny you have chosen for us.

Friday, September 15, 2006

When couples SMILE

Scene 1:

A young couple, both under 25, with a cute baby in the mother's arms.
After 5 quiet minutes, baby screams and mommy blushes, makes a move to stand up and take baby outside but Daddy pulls her back gently, -smiles to her-, takes baby from her and goes to the building hallway to quiet down baby.
After 15 minutes of success, baby screams again. Daddy, looks at Mommy to assure her that it's okay. Mommy smiles back at daddy. Daddy goes with baby again to hallway and stays there for the rest of my time there.
Daddy in Hallway: Talking to the baby, tickling baby, stroking baby, and finally baby falls asleep in Daddy's arms.

I look at my sister and tell her: I just met the best Daddy ever.

Scene 2:

I am transferred to another waiting room. An OLD couple show up. Both over 70. First, each one sits in the nearest chair, not next to eachother. Grandma speaks to Grandpa (very gently) saying: Ma teegy to3od ganby hena? (Why don't you come sit here next to me?) giving him a beautiful smile and patting the empty seat next to her. Yes she's 70 and yes her smile is lovely! He comes straight away.
After a while they are called to enter another room. She's walking ahead of him, he's closely behind her with his hand on her waist.

They leave and I stay behind drowned in my thoughts if this love spark I saw between a very old couple is true or was I dreaming? I smile in public, looking silly and people around me give me this are-you-some-wacko look.

Still, those 2 both young and old couple have made my day!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Who d'you THINK you are?

If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don't
If you'd like to win, but you think you can't
It's almost certain you won't
If you think you'll lose, you've lost
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will-
It's all in the state of mind.
If you think you're outclassed, you are.
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before-
You can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go-
to the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later the man who wins-
Is the one who thinks he can!

I refuse to call the person who wrote this, ANONYMOUS, which was written in the book I found it in. In fact, anons are other people, this person is everything but an ANON. The real anons, however, do have names, nationalities, education, and sometimes a brain. But the way they see themselves is their true identity. If they see themselves as nobodies (as some blogs I have read lately who believe they are weak, oppressed, not heard... etc) then they are! So congratulations to every person who is confident and believes in himself while holding his head high... and to the others I have one word for you, and that would be: Pathetic.

لستُ ليلى

لستُ ليلى- لإنى مش مجبرة إنى أتزين بمكياج لشوية عمال و سواقين أو حتى دكاترة و مهندسين فى الشارع, لا يمسول لى أى صلة
لكنى انسانه- بتزين فى بيتى لنفسى عشان بحب الجمال

لستُ ليلى- لإنى لما جيت أختار كليتى و سئلت أهلى ما قالوا ليش, مش فارقه! البنت مالهاش غير بيت جوزها!
إنما أنا إنسانه و أهلى قالوا لى: خشى الكلية اللى تعرفى تفيدى بيها بلدك و الفقراء اللى فيها

لستُ ليلى- لإن لو واحد حط إيده على رجلى مش هسكت زى الحشرة و اسيبه يدوسنى و أمى مش هتضربنى بالألم على وشى
لكنى انسانه- و أمى علمتنى ازاى لو واحد ايده طولت اعرف ازاى اخد حقى و افرج عليه الدنيا- ربنا يعافينا يا رب و يبعد عنا ولاد الحرام

لستُ ليلى- لما مرة عملت حادثه وكنت أنا اللى غلطانه ما عملتش زى ما كثير من البنات بيعملوا ينزلوا و يزعقوا و ينكروا ان هم السبب
أنا انسانه- و سكت لإنى عارفه انى غلطانه, الراجل اكتفى بالملامة و الشارع كله دخل فى صفى لمجرد انى كنت مؤدبه رغم غلطى, بس انا اتعلمت ان
الصوت العالى و حوار انت اعمى يا حيوان؟ عمرهم ما هيجيبه حق ليلى.

لستُ ليلى- لإن جدى علم و كبر 7 بنات و شالهم فوق راسه لحد ما مات.
رحمك الله يا جدى ياللى
ما دخلتش هارفرد عشان تعرف ازاى تحترم المرأة. كلامك عين العقل يا خالد.

لستُ ليلى- لإن جدتى لما ابنها الشحط زعق لها غضبت عليه و قالت له: ده ابوك الله يرحمه عمره ما مسنى بكلمة طول ال45 سنة اللى عشتهم معاه, تيجى انت يا مفعوص يا جاهل ترفع صوتك عليا؟ أدى أخرة الهندسه و سنينها. (اعتذارى لأى مهندش هو خالى مهندس والحوار كان كده فمش تزعل لو سمحت)

لستُ ليلى- عشان لما تجيب بنت جوزها يقول لها: ايه اللى انتى جبتيه ده! إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون.
إنما انا انسانه و لما أجى اتجوز مش هيكون واحد جاهل و غبى مش مقدر قيمة المرأة, لأ, هيكون ان شاء الله راجل, دارس دينه و عارف ان اللى يجيله بنات ويكبرهم و يأكلهم و يراعيهم بتفتح له ابواب الرزق و بيدخل الجنة

لستُ ليلى- اللى كل ما واحد فى حياتها يحاول يحميها تقول له اشمعنى يعنى؟ ايه المجتمع الذكورى ده؟
انا انسانه و فاهمه ان
الراجل بيحمى حباً مش تسلطاً. وأنا فخورة انى فى بلدى زى الملكة متصانه و متحاميه مش مرمية زى قلتها.

لستُ ليلى- اللى بتقول لبنتها لا تأتى, لا تأتى و تشوفى اللى انا شوفته.
انا انسانه و نفسى أجيب بنت انور عنيها لجمال روحها اللى ربنا خلقه فيها و اعلمها طيب الصفات اللى تعيش بيها وسط الناس فى سلام.

لستُ ليلى- لإنى لما دخلت مشروع كبير هشرف فيه على 2 شباب و هيكون تحتنا 80 شخص, أنا اصغرهم سنا, ما همنيش اللى قالوا هتقدر عليهم ازاى؟ دى مش هتعمر شهرين على بعض!
لإنى انسانه- كملت و ما همنيش (معظمهم اللى بيتكلموا بنات مش واثقين فى قدراتهم ولا قدرات الناس التانية, لو بس يدركوا كل واحدة فيهم جواها ايه و تعرف ازاى هى تقدر تتحرر و تكون مثمرة لينا كلنا

لستُ ليلى- و بعد 9 شهور كان يوم افتتاح المشروع و تحديد فشله او نجاحه... واحدة قريبة و حبيبة الى قلبى توفت الله يرحمها, و طلعت قدام مئات الناس أعرض مجهودنا بابتسامه و حماس, ولما النور طفى ...
الإنسانه ما قدرتش تمسك دموعها لفقد القريبة فى نفس اليوم. فحتى لو بلغت قمة النجاح لا يمكن انسى قلبى و عواطفى ورايا

لستُ ليلى- لإنى لا أرى انى ليلى
لستُ ليلى- لإنى لا أرى انى ضعيفه و مقهورة فى عالم من الرجال
لستُ ليلى- لإنى لا ارى ان الشغل فى شركة ادوية عــــــــــــــيـــب
لستُ ليلى- لإنى ما يهمنيش غير نظرة ربنا ليا مش نظرة المجتمع, وان ما فيش فرق بيننا غير بالتقوى (خيركم عند الله اتقاكم)
لستُ ليلى- لإنى لا ارى انى لو ماتجوزتش يبقى فيا عيب! انتى لسه ماتجوزتيش مش لعيب فيكى, لكن لإنك ما لقيتيش راجل يملأ عينك, يبقى العيب فى مين بقى؟

وأخيرا- مهما يا ليلى حاولت اهمس فى ودنك انك قوية و رقيقة و عاطفية و عاقله و مش مقهورة ولا ضعيفه فكلامى مش هيغير الصورة اللى انتى شفتى نفسك بيها.

وعذرا, بس مش ذنب الرجاله انك اتصادفتى فى حياتك مع رجاله متسلطين ومرضى نفسيين حرموا لك حلالك و حللولك حرامك!
المجتمع مش شماعة تعلقى عليه تجربتك.
انما كونى عادلة و خلى نظرتك شاملة و فرقى بين غلطة مجتمع و غلطة زوج و أب و أخ و مدير و زميل.

واعرفى انك بتسميتك لنفسك ليلى, بتهمسى فى أذن نفسك انك ضعيفه و محدودة الإرادة والمقدرة. وده هيصعب عليكى عملية التحرر مش من الرجالة لأ- لكن من قفص افكارك السلبية اللى انتى حبستى نفسك فيه باستسلامك لموجة الوهم والكلام والتجربة.
و أقول ايه تانى بعد الكلام ده؟
Howa leeh e7teram elnafs we fe3l elsa7 ba2a kabt? Leeh elnas 3ayza tekhrog men itar elsa7 3ashan teb2a mabsoota we mesh makboota, we ba3deen I am sorry bas I totally agree here bebasata no one will ever do you any good with your problems, you wanna solve your problems you could and you would and only you has that in hand sawa2 felakher el7al kan extreme zai eltala2... we ba3deen lazem elwa7ed yataqabal shewayet omoor kanoo3 men e7teram elzat...
Яαgιи Яαvєи

وأذكرك بكلمات الشيخ ابن تيميه اللى حياته كانت كلها ذل و حبس و ضرب و ظلم إلا انه كان لا يبالى و كان يقول:ما يفعل اعدائى بى؟جنتى و بستانى فى صدرى أينما كنت, ان قتلونى, فقتلى شهادة- وإن حبسونى فحبسى خلوة- وإن نفونى فنفيى سياحة

Sunday, September 10, 2006

يا ليلة اصــحى

هكذا رحت أشعر بالرغبة فى التحدى... فأنا - يجب أن أكون أنا بفكرى و
رأيى, واقتناعى بصوابى, وخطئى.. بأحلامى , وآلامى, يجب أن أتنشق الهواء بأنفى,
بأنوف الأخرين.. وأسمع بأذنى, لا بآذانهم, وأبصر بعينى, لا بعيونهم..
لا بعقولهم.. وأختار ما أريد.. لا ما يريدون..وأريد ما أختاره
لا ما

وبعبارة واحدة - يجب أن اكون نفسى - دولة مستقلة
يربطها بالأخرين التواصى بالحق, والإحترام المتبادل.. وليست
التى تجرد
صاحبها من شخصيته, ومن سيادته على نفسه وحياته.. شريطة
أن يتم ذلك
كله وفق الإقتناع
الرشيد, والسديد بصواب تصرفاتى ومواقفى,

لقد بزغت - إذن-
إرادة التحدى فى أفق حياتى,
المتنور, لا المتهور.. والمتزن, لا المستهتر..
يزجيها اقتناع
مستأن, ومتأمل و
مفكر, كونته تجربتى و معرفتى معاً.. ولسوف
يظل ممثلا
فى حياتى "البوصلة"
التى اهتدى بها و أعَوِّل عليها

من كتاب: قصتى مع الحياة للدكتور خالد محمد خالد

دى اول رسالة لكل ليلى

أما رسالتى التانية فان شاء الله هكتبها قريبا لإنها فيها كذا احساس صعب الكتابة عنه ولا أخشى رد الفعل لإن ده رأيى وليكن ما يكن.

الله يجبر بخاطر كل ليلى رغم اختلافى الشديد معاها فى الرأى والنظرة فهتعرفوا فى الرسالة الجايه ان كان لى عمر

Thursday, September 07, 2006

My Scribbling Blog

The Scribbles above are very much similar to what I have inside my head. The dark bits are probably my memories, I'm always having difficulty remembering certain things no matter how simple or recent they are. Then come the blue shades, green, and purple (I love purple), where they reflect my present which is mixed with mystery, self-discovery, hard work, ignorance, happiness, education, struggles, denials, observation, brooding... & lots more.

I look at the yellow, orange and red and think of my future. Seeing love , peace, passion, knowledge, work... hopefully a bright future- I tell myself.

The black and white strips would be other people who come across me every day, I do think of them as well.

I noticed there are things scribbled over others as if trying to hide or cover their darkness, that would be my positive thoughts battling with my negative ones all the way in there, sometimes the positives would win and my face would shine, while at other times my confusion, worry and fear would show alarming any mirror I'd look in.

My Blog, will show lots of what is going on inside of me. I will pour in. Be it weakness, strength, hope, happiness I will scribble it here once and forget all about it afterwards. The post could go to the place where many other things have went- it's somewhere in my brain where I forget things, I'll write more about my memory sometime later. However, I do hope I wouldn't forget so easily so maybe writing things down might help.

I will not promise to stick to one topic, one event, or one person- to my unorganized self that would be impossible... but along side my thoughts & self discussions, I do promise to stick to one country at most times and that would be Egypt.

Although I am using the word "you" here alot as if addressing someone in specific but I'm not. I am speaking loudly to myself, yes and of course any reader who would happen to pass by here and think of giving this blog any of his/her precious time.

This should have been my first post but as you'll discover later, I do have trouble with order.

Monday, September 04, 2006

How do you know?

"I do" NOT!

Here are a few questions that I have no answer to. So I thought I'd present them to you & probably that would help end my endless confusion!

Tell me, how would you ever know that the person you'll marry (no matter how much you're in love) will be good to you forever?
I mean, really, don't they all put a good face on at first? or is it a real good face that's used? I don't know but after years and years of reading the weekly newspaper letters of the Journalist Abdulwahab Motawe' that were all about betrayed wives & husbands, about love that vanished over the years, about misunderstandings & fights... it really got to me! Just can't wash those stories away. There's a fear inside me that just lingers & I can't control it. It isn't a fear of commitment coz I'm looking forward to that. It's rather the fear of what's after the commitment.

I heard of & agree to "love conquers all" but what if one of the 2 changes dramatically after a few or more years, will love be there for him from his partner even then?

I wish there was some love contract that we'd sign that wouldn't let us stop loving the person we promised to love till we die. Technology can't help us here , can it?

My neighbor told me a few memorable advices that I'd like to spread. She's in her 4th year of marriage to a colleague. It was a love story, don't know if it still is. wish her all the best. Here's what she said to me the other day:

  • Sometimes you and your family give too much to help him make the marriage work, such as giving up lots of the girls rights then after a couple of years you'd realize that it wasn't worth it. There wouldn't have been any harm if he would have waited a little.
  • Keep your eyes open during the engagement, everything shows even if just little signs of what's really there but it shows. No surprises after marriage. After realizing those flaws in your fiance; it's then your choice- either you agree to continue knowing that you will learn to accept this certain flaw or you can end the whole thing. It all depends on your willingness to compromise.
  • The man of your dreams doesn't exist! Perhaps only in your dreams so don't give me that face. While fantasizing about Mr.Perfect, you'll let a few real good men slip away.
  • Listen to what your family says to you. They are the ones who love you most & wants what's best for you.
  • True love will come when you deal with him & witness the man he is, not bu taking a distance telling yourself you'll fall in love "first" then give him a chance. How will you create new feelings on your own? Let him make it easier for you to love him by giving him a chance. That only works if you already admire him initially.
  • Observe how he treats his sister or mother. It may be quite similar to how he'll treat you too.
Standing where I am now pushes me to ask the married, engaged, or single friends: What do you think of my neighbor's advice list? and if you have anything else you'd wish to add, don't hesitate, I'm sure it'll be helpful to me & lots of others in my place.

Thank you & have a nice day :)

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Girly template!

I liked my last template sooooo much!!! It had scribbles all over it that matched my blog title, and my thoughts, coz they're all about scribbles... you can't really classify anything here, can you? Well suddenly it stopped working, got totally screwed up and mixed all my posts, so I had to change it. This one's too girly, it's called tender, soothes my eyes a lil bit. When I do try my old template everything gets joggled again so I guess I'll do with this one for a while.

So Fast?

I'm posting to record from now and always my absolute thanks and gratitude to Allah. I prayed so hard for 7 days only and what usually gets resolved in months sometimes years got resolved in 7 days in my case!

A few days ago, I was getting frantic, tired but still hopeful. My whole soul was dedicated to one thing; asking God to help me. I was scared yes, I must admit. So scared that my stomach was clutched so tight I couldn't eat a thing. So scared I couldn't even sleep at night from my hurting fearful clutched tummy. Lost 10 pounds in just the past week!

But nothing is far from Allah's reach... nothing beyond His power. I only had to learn that the hard way. I tried to be patient, and told myself time & time again that it's okay, everything will be fine in the right time.

I have come out of this with a few lessons:

1- It doesn't matter what the world does to me as long as I'm praying & asking Allah all what I want.

2- To forgive the person who caused all this to me, (I don't know who it is exactly but I have forgiven him/her already).

3- Here the test will continue, will I continue the closeness that I was in the past week? or because Allah answered by prayers then I'll go back to my usual indifferent self?

4- That I do not deserve to get my prayers answered in such a miraculously fast period, but rather it is Allah who has said in the Quraan that He answers to ALL even if they are sinners like me, but as long as they do duaa they will have what they have asked... subhan Allah!

In a nutshell, I'm overwhelmed with this feeling of peace that is so new to me. A new kind of "peace". A sureness that every crisis we may face at different times of life is only to give us a chance to stop and think about our life, where we've been and where do we intend to go.

I have never lost hope, didn't lose it then and will never inshAllah ever ever lose my hope when anything stands in my way.

Finally, Thank you all for your prayers...Twosret, Roora, Doshar, Dallula, Safiya and anyone else who prayed for me... may God protect you all from any harm.
Gazakom Allah khayran.

:):):) YAAAAAAAAAAY!!! (umm... I had to let that out haha)

غلا أمى

Not much

  • I'm Jannah
  • From Cairo, Egypt
  • If I am as honest as I know how to be, I may discover here as I write, day after day, something in myself, something of my own nature... that I might otherwise not be aware of...
That's it

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