Monday, July 23, 2007

My Fairytale...

Although I already know him very well, yet I insisted on meeting him 3 whole times before giving him my YES. This is no "YES I'll have a drink", not an "OKAY you can take this" nor is it a "AHA whatever prolly next time!" LOL!

it's more of a
"YES I agree to being your life long partner",

a "YES to love you no matter what",

"YES to forgive you, to support you, to respect your presence & ur absence.... to trust you with my heart, and know that you will not break it, that you will cherish it & help me become a better person... all the way... "

" YES I want to pray with you... YES I want to go to Jannah with you...YES YES YES!!!!"

So, my friends, this was no easy YES to me..... it took so many istekharaaas for me to finally get the courage to say it.... and then when I finally did... after 2 months & a half from his proposal... it was our FATIHA.

Both families gathered, it was supposedly a normal gathering, where they would decide when to meet again & read the fatiha for our engagement. Then suddenly after 2 hours of family normal & fun stuff talk, his father stood up, took my father and told him I want you aside!!!I felt a little lump in my throat... I knew what his father was going to do, but it surprised me, how he did it! So politely, yet so eager... it made me feel like a gem, like he's saying let's not wait a minute longer... His father understood his son well, he knew that he's been patient enough!!! I've driven him mad already with my over a month after exams to give him my YES... After a while they both came, happy with their agreements, and his father announced that "it's an honour to propose to Jannah & ask her hand for our son.... it would make us most happy if we'd read the FATIHA, & may Allah bless them & grant them happiness."

That was it. Everyone hugged & kissed. I watched while his mother took him in her arms, it was very heart touching to me. Although she is giving him away to me, yet in my mind, deep down, that scene touched me, and I never want to stand in between that hug of theirs. I felt so happy, how his mother & both his sisters love him so much... & now they love me too. When his mother hugged me, she didnt want to let go, she almost cried out of happiness & I almost cried out of shyness! The next day his sister told me, "I believe noone loves my brother like I do, I thought I'd be jealous, but I love you so much, I want you to take him & I don't mind. He's all yours! " LOL It was so awkward to me... I'm still surprised at it all... so her words were so far away to me, like HUH, me? take who? & all I could say was "Hell no, I'm not taking him!!! we're all gonna be a big family, everyone a big part of the other's life". why did I write this post in the first place?

Yes... it was about my Fairytale :)

I remember, last year on this blog I said sth about my marriage dream, I wrote that I wish he'd love me at first sight, and keep it inside him till it's the right time to propose... I would be like his water after a long thirst, someone who he has to wait & work... in order to get my father into considering him a good suiter & agreeing. I believed that it is childish & unrealistic... that it may not come true but the thought of it was very romantic to me... SubhanAllah..... I am absolutely surprised & thankful to say that my little fairytale came true!!! He told me he wanted me before he ever even started talking to me... which was 2 years ago... & that he had to wait, and beared almost a year of finding jobs, & when he got a stable job he took his step... I do not know what to say... I didn't pray or ask for my fairytale to come true... I just found joy in it... as a thought in my unrealistic head... the fact that it DID come true makes me speechless... VERY THANKFUL.. elHamdullaaah!!!

Here are my words... November 2006 Inner Clutter:

I always tried to ignore my silent refusal of an arranged marriage with my other loud thought that it's all destiny, be it arranged or not. Most arranged marriages have- until now- succeeded. and most love stories have failed. Yet deep inside, my vision of my future husband is someone who loved me and hoped for me to be his wife, and when the circumstances became suitable, he came and proposed. Someone who kept it inside him until it was the right time for him to propose. I, on the other hand, would love or like him too and his proposal would be like a dream come true to me. LOOOOOOOOOL, honestly the last paragraph is hilarious, my vision is possible, but very unrealistic. My mother swears that I'm the most unrealistic person she every saw and links it to romance, that most romantic people are unrealistic. I then would quarrel back (each and everytime), "Mama, I'm not romantic and definitely not unrealistic!!!!"...

Friday, July 06, 2007

The Wheels on the Bus Go...

That's where I've been going for the last 5 years. Round and Round.... round and round... It's like after each term you could ask me: So where are you going? I'd say: Back to where I started! Back & Forth... back & forth with the only thing actually changing is me getting older! Which was the best part of it all... the fact that less & less years were left for me to graduate was a very far but extremely happy thought. Girls used to say to me: OOOHHH we don't believe we're growing up... we're graduating... we're gonna be BIG girls... I have no idea how they found that irritating while I found it really coooool!

So now I graduated, guess I'm ready to be a big girl, though I'm still as childish as ever, easily excited, fun-loving, tearful in a minute, laughing the minute after.. OMG and is that what you call ready to be a big girl? Problem 1 identified... Me is not a big girl.

Okay, I'll rephrase... I'm just the same... exactly the same , what's new is I graduated! Ooops... and when will I ever change???When will I lose my eeeew-it's-a-cockroach-personality? Now problem 2 is identified! so me is just ME,, which is not a problem, it's a good thing! Problem 2 vanished yooohooo!

That's fine... it's okay if I'm not a big girl... it's fun being here on this non-big girl side of life. Isn't the other side just plainly boring? I don't wanna change that part of me coz it's a huge part of who I am... and it's a miracle that I got into college & out, without that changing. (By "That" I mean many things, partly: the jumping up & down, the laughs straight from the heart, the I love my mommy, the no I will not touch a raw chicken, the every happy thing has its own dance, the koochy noochy kamalootchy whenever I see a cute baby.......... okay okay I'll stop it!! HAHA) so where was I? yes, I'm making myself feel better that I am in no need to change myself if I'm managing to study, work, have tons of friends with me being me. I should feel satisfied and thank Allah that its those little things that bother me sometimes, not the big things like hatred, jealousy, constant comparisons... and others that would take YEARS to handle. elHamdulellaah :)

I am happy. For every reason that I could think of. Here a few happy thoughts (try this.. it works like magic!)
**being able to read Quraan,
**supporting my mother in everything & constantly hearing her duaa for me "Allah yeg3alek men el mos3adeen", I don't what "mos3adeen" means, but I guess she's saying, may Allah make you happy.
** making both my sisters (little one and big one) happy whenever I can.
**graduating... finally!!!!!!!!
**eating lots of fruits & vegetables... grape juice every day, carrot juice (tastes horrible but I force myself to drink it!) every 2-3 days...
**My clothes are so colorful, they give me joy!
**driving whenever I want to. I just turn the engine on... and ....I'm off!
**mr charming who has just come into my life when I didn't expect a thing!!! I'm still surprised... didn't say my YES yet... theyre all still waiting, I'm still thinking.... there's nothing yet, but the thought of him makes me happy! Pray for me, everyone out there :)

There's just one sad thing though, I've been missing Fajr prayer for 2 days now... which got to me so much, but I just brushed it off, and felt like "Try again tomorrow!"

& till I see you all again... let's pause at "never never never never GIVE UP!!!" :):)

Not much

  • I'm Jannah
  • From Cairo, Egypt
  • If I am as honest as I know how to be, I may discover here as I write, day after day, something in myself, something of my own nature... that I might otherwise not be aware of...
That's it

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