Thursday, August 31, 2006


It's amazing how my family are being so supportive. Daddy, for the first time ever swopped beds with me so that I'd sleep with Mama in the same bed. I was so surprised!

I keep telling my mom: kol el tool da msh 3agbek? (meaning: aren't I old enough to take care of myself?)
she goes like: law sha3rek ebyad, you're still my baby! (even if your hair goes white, you're still my baby)
I sigh, feeling both embarrassed & happy.

Everyday, dad would call from work: Nemty kwys ya noor 3eny? (Have you slept well, dear?)
That's because I haven't been sleeping at all. My first 6 hour sleep since, was yesterday. Of course I do wake up every half an hour, but at least I'm asleep. I have dreamt a little...but thank God, not a nightmare. Those also were the reason why I would flee from bed.

Mona would call every day.
" Ha ya gameela, 7assa nafsek a7san?" (huh sweety, do you feel better?)
Me: Yes, 7amdellah a7san. (Yes, Thank God, better.)

A. my friend with the awefully matched ex-love story (The one in Heart betrayal) would call with her cheery voice and religious sense of humour.
A: Ya benty danty ya bakhtek! 7ad yetool rabena yo2roso 3shan y2arrab menno? (Girl lucky you!, who would dream to go through a crisis and get closer to Allah? -she's seeing it as a lovely opportunity and envies me at what I'm going through)
Me>>> laugh at how she looks at things sometimes.
Me: mashy ya stty, ed3eely enty bas. (okay, just pray for me)
A: ad3eelek eh bas... danty elly ted3eeeely! enty do3a2ek mostagab dlwa2ty w di forsa ma tet3awadsh. bossy, ed3eely rabena yehdy A. (the loser she loves), w ykhaleeh goozy okay?. (too long to translate, but she's asking me to pray for her coz I'm closer at the moment, so she wants me to pray for her to become the wife of A. and that he would become a responsible man like he once was.)
Me: Berengana tany ya A.? (Again this topic!, I call him "berengana" by the way.)
A.: tany we talet a3mel eh y3ny. (again and again. what am I to do?- meaning she can't help it)
Me: 3ndan feeky, had3eelek rabena yorzo2ek bwa7ed ebn nas, mo7taram w beyenga7. ( I'll pray that God would get you a respectful husband, who actually succeeds in college!)

... and the conversation goes on, and ends with me feeling much stronger and happier. She's a pro at that.

M. (the one who wants to propose), doesn't know anything. but he calls too.
M: msh 3aref ya M.(my name), ana 7ases fi 7aga, 2alby ma2bood. fi 7aga? (I don't know , i feel there's something wrong. is there?)

PAUSE>>> He always does that! He always "feels" things without seeing or hearing anything. He says it's coz hearts have no barriers between them, so that even if he is away and not in my life, yet he does feel things I go through. and that he can't help it so I should quit getting surprised every time it happens.


Me: la mafish el7amdollah. (no there's nothing)
M: Mama kwysa? (Mom is good? he calls my mother Mama, as do husbands here call their mother in law. )
Me: ah kwysa. (yea, good.)
M: yemken e7sas w khalas. inshAllah hayroo7. (maybe it's just a feeling. it'll go).
He talks about his job a little.
M: matenseneesh mn sale7 do3aky. (don't forget me from your prayers)
Me: 7ader, wala enta. (okay, remember me in ur prayers too)
M: howa fi 7ad yensa "nafso" mn do3a2o? (how could someone forget one's self from his prayers.- He's calling me "nafso". meaning, how could he forget his self referring to ME from his prayers. so now I know how do religious guys flirt.)
Me: (pretending I didn't hear.) salamo 3alekom. (assalamu alaykom.)
M: wa 3aleky elsalam ya M. (my name).

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I need your prayers

I need everyone's Duaa at this moment... I'm passing through a very hard time... I must be patient and have faith.

ولنبلونكم بشىء من الخوف والجوع ونقص من الأموال والأنفس والثمرات وبشر الصابرين*
الذين إذا أصابتهم مصيبة قالوا إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون* أولئك عليهم صلوات من ربهم ورحمة و أولئك هم المهتدون
(سورة البقرة)
155. Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere,
156. Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return":-
157. They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. {The Cow- Holy Qur'aan)

Please pray for me, ask Allah to be with me every step of the way and to remove any fear from my heart.
نسألكم الدعاء بإخلاص فى هذه الأيام المباركة من شهر شعبان ان يصبرنى وينزل السكينة على قلبى يرفع عنى البلاء و يذهب غنى الأذى و يحفظنى من كل سوء.
اللهم اتنا فى الدنيا حسنة وفى الأخرة حسنة وقنا عذاب النار

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


Coming across this interview has been like meeting "logic" face to face. Simple, straight forward and honest. You'd notice that the conversation has a peaceful atmosphere with just a few times the word "peace" mentioned. Peace is not a word to be said over and over again, it's an atmosphere, a policy, it's a conversation with good intentions and a humble self.

Unbearably Bearable

It is 3:35 a.m. now. I have just come back from the ER where we took my mother there at 12 a.m. She had an aweful headache... which we knew was due to her Hypertension. It was 190/110 (normal 120/75) a measure I never saw her reach before, way to go mom! Turns out she stopped taking her anti-hypertensive medication just coz she found herself feeling better!!! OMG... Mama, the medicine is SUPPOSED to make you feel better, that means you're to continue taking it, especially when this is no Flu or stomach ache, this is hypertension!!

Plus... if her doctor does want her to quit it, then you decrease the dose gradually, or instead of taking it every day, you can skip a day in between... never decide out of nowhere to stop a medication when you have a chronic illness, BIG MISTAKE! It's like after leaning on a wall for so long, if the wall breaks, you'll immediately smash unto the floor with nothing to lean on... instead, we train you how to stand straight on your own, one step at a time.

The ER was another pain. With only curtains between every bed and the next one, you can hear everything. An Arab family came in (In our language, we use the word "Arab" about people who are from KSA, Kuwait, UAE. The word "Shawam" for people from Lebanon, Syria, Palestine and Jordan), I think they were Saudi from the black Abaya the mother wore, and the non-Shawam accent which I'd notice a mile away. Their little girl called "Raghd" got cholera!!! I felt so sorry for the little girl, her screams watered my eyes. I couldn't bear to see anyone cry even if an adult- a 2 year old was too much for me .

What happened was that she got cholera coz she drank "fresh" mango juice from a shop somewhere... OOPs, I bet they're new here! Seriously, I'm not scaring tourists away, but it's a big no no to drink or eat from just any shop you see in the streets of Cairo... I tried not to chuckle when I thought to myself, how I, as an Egyptian citizen can eat or drink from literally "any where"... be it the Fool in the cartwheel ( which I haven't tried by the way), or the koshary, or the popcorn, or the barbecued corn or just any thing, you can name it, and I bet you if I ate it side by side with a non-Egyptian, he'd get cholera, and I'd be just fine. This is scientifically true people! I studied it 2 years ago in my microbiology class but I can't remember the exact name of the research now. It has alot to do with immunity, exposure and adaptation. We, due to continuous exposure to a "less sterile" haha environment, our miraculous body gets adapted increasing our immunity so that it doesn't affect us at all to the ratio of 2:10 to other countries. Now I know why the professor when explaining this to us, was laughing his head off and sang : yeb2a enta akeed fi masr lol.

By the way, I used my self as an example in the previous paragraph representing most of us Egyptians. Sadly, I don't live the real Egyptian life, so my immunity isn't as high as my fellow citizens which is why I do go down after a few bites.

However, If one day I do get the privilage & opportunity to taste Fool from the guy in the street, Koshary from any restaurant, Hawawshy, Shawerma or kebda eskandarany from those nameless places then I assure myself that it'll be a once in a life time tasty (I hope) experience!! Honestly, how could you be an Egyptian and not eat those on a regular basis? My friends after discovering this about me- made it clear that it is an original patriotic crime !

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

You were late!

Here is what we've all seen on the news yesterday.

"A loud crash awoke me. One of the trains
had derailed and people were scattered on the floor. I called the authorities
and they told me I was crazy," said Osama Abdul Haleem, who lives near the crash

What didn't surprise me was the fact that ambulances arrived one hour later to start saving the survivers, injured or extract the dead.

That reminds me of 4 years ago, 20 Feb. 2002, when my home burnt down to ashes in 45 minutes. It was initially a kitchen fire that moved on to the whole house. If by some miracle, the firemen would have arrived before an hour and a half late, it could have just been the kitchen lost. But NO that does not happen here. So when they finally arrived, the house was already in ashes, the fire was bigger than ever sub7an Allah.

Wait there's still a funny part to come... on recalling it after the incident I couldn't help but crack up! Okay, so the "heroes" arrived YAAAAAAAAY

No WAIT! My heroes were just 3 men.

Hero number 1: 60+ brave man who choked on the entrance of the building and passed out. I hear you wondering where'd the masks go? they didn't get any.

Hero number 2 & 3: Young men who managed to get up the building stairs but freaked out when they saw the scene and came running down...

So that was it, bye bye my heroes who came to rescue our home.

It ended up that the 2 men who DID put off the fire were our 2 personal drivers. Although there was not one bit left except for ashes, they still managed to save the whole building from catching the flame Hamdulellah. Btw they used the hoses that came with the firetruck and the real firefighters stood next to us and watched!

Monday, August 21, 2006

when the soul speaks...

I open my eyes and I look but tears blind my view. I lift my hand dreamily and wipe them away. I try to look again and dream of justice, of education, of an honest laugh, of a better future, of freedom, of who will set my nation (my Ummah) free & silently hope to live through the years to see it happen...

I sigh, brood, hope and wait. I read- lest it turn my days pages over- to get prepared, educated and aware. I read more maybe to strengthen my heart that has felt far much more pain that it should've at such a young age of mine.

The tears can't stop and I struggle hard to transform them from those of fear to those of hope and beauty. Lifting my gaze to the blue skies, I wonder if one can carry such a burden... a burden of a whole nation, of lovers separated by war, of mothers never to see their sons again, of men leaving home never to come back... of children when asked what do you want to be when you grow up, they'd say: I want to survive... I sit alone and think how can I absorb the pain? If only I can understand it then maybe it would be easier to accept it inside of me... but my pain has no name on it, nor just one country... it has all the stories of those who are gone, the fears of those who are hidden, the hopes of those jailed, and the prayers of women in the dark of the night.

In search of myself amidst all these feelings, I feel my lips turn into a smile. I realize it's a feeling of belonging, of acceptance from my Ummah. I then look forward for what the future holds for me. I look forward to the fight, to the peace, patience, forgiveness and unity.

Willing to start over, I know where my journey will begin. So I take out a map and spread it infront of me... this is no map of countries or seas, but rather a map of my personal history, life and nature. Yes, there- inside of myself - is exactly where I shall start.

أقول من التعجب ليت شِعرى
أأيقاظ أمية أم نيام؟
فإن كانوا لحينهم نيام
فقل قوموا فقد حان القيام

**inspired by what Twosret showed us ***

Egyptian Humor?

I am an Egyptian and I’m tired…I’m tired of my eyes who spill tears everytime they see something of that sort.

The Egyptian nature I have inherited along with everyone here is exhausting us emotionally!! We can’t pass by things and say : wana maly (It’s none of my business)… We don’t believe in the words: Mafish fayda (It’s no use), and its driving us mad trying, trying and again, trying!

People here are very merry most of the time… I used to think that laughing would be hard with all the pain inside, but with time I have learned to do the same… smile and laugh amidst everything and make fun of the pain just for the sport of it haha. (I’m laughing at myself now lol)…The most recent thing that cracked me up were the ikhwan’s (MB) behaviour in jail. About 20 young men were off on a holiday in a camp somewhere near the desert. Immediately, they got arrested with the accusation of weapon training. 20 men in shorts and hawaiian shirts were thrown in jail and the first thing they said to eachother was that they managed to hide lots of sweets and candies in their pockets so they’d eat em in jail!!! They then started funnily fighting over the candies… some holiday ruined huh!That really got me… I never thought our humor was so deep!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Heart Betrayal

Is it true that humans have no control over their hearts? Do you really believe that if you love a person then you won't be able to "stop" loving that person by your own choice? How do my heart and mind work together- let alone talk together?!

My closest friend has been in love for 4 years now with a guy that is so not one bit her type. She wears nikab (the veil that covers the face), prays, memorizes Quraan... etc. He, on the other hand, smokes, enjoys watching naked women (which she found out by coincidence) he doesn't pray, fails in college, hates the veil, dreams to go dancing classes with his wife (which is fun lol but not possible with a wife that wears nikab)... so after 4 years of promising her to propose, he called her and ended everything.

to be continued...asap

Thursday, August 17, 2006


We came to Cairo early 5 days than when we were supposed to. Mama got tired over there so we had to come home near the hospitals, doctors and pharmacies. Those aren't there over there. Yesterday when we arrived, her "illness" got worse... I couldn't sit with her in the same room coz I didn't want her to see me cry. Then when I'd stop crying I'd go back and smile at her. That went on for 2 hours till she slept after taking for the first time a sedative addictive drug called ZOLAM.

Today she's a little better then now she got worse. I hope she gets well soon. I had an inner struggle... my tears were first out of fear if something will happen to her, then I tried so hard to let the feeling go and become hopeful, calm and optimistic. After praying I felt much better. The tears then became just sad but sure that Allah will not allow anything bad to happen to us.

I must go to see how she's doing and will try to be back soon inshAllah. Please pray for my mama and all the sick people to get better by Allah's will.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Need Air!

Tomorrow I'll be going to Ain ElSukhna. We'll stay there for 10 days inshAllah. I'm so looking forward to it. To letting loose, getting my mind off the day-to-day hassle over here and focusing on what's more important at the moment: How can I reject M. politely, not hurt his feelings, and make it clear that it's for no reason at all other than I'm "just not into him". Another thing too, how can I not let him meet my dad for an official proposal, because then my dad would like him & when he'd ask me why am I refusing, what am I to say? I don't like him? He'll tell me you will in a while. Love comes after time. But what if Love didn't come? I mean my heart feels NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING towards him. Ain't I supposed to feel uneasy when he's around, or self-concious, or happy, or silly or whatever people feel when they're around the person who they think theyll marry?

Is it OK for me to reject him just for that reason (which to many people here is the least important thing)? I still cannot free myself of the guilt. I've talked myself over and over to sit with him again, to see him work, he even made friends with all my colleagues...and still no use. I'm not asking for a fairytale, nor love at first sight (though I DO believe in it hehe), but all I ask is to at least have a crush on the guy!

So I guess 10 days are enough for me to rethink this. "This" as in how to reject, there's no point of rethinking him being my fiance, I have had enough thinking about that- ENOUGH! By the way, I know I should treat him just like any person who'd ask for a real relationship and I'd just say No. But M. is very sensitive and so in love. He knows I don't love him back so I'm not tagging him along by any means, but he hopes that I would someday!!!! I rejected him once before. I was honest and said it clearly, M. I can't agree because I don't "like" you. He cried on the phone!!!!! I saw myself a monster. I mean how could a man "cry" on the phone?? After that, he was away for 4 months- giving me space to think. Letting his mom speak to mine every once in a while. She said that it's slower for girls to fall in love! I don't believe in that, not one bit.

No more talking about him tonight.

Willing to have lots of fun this summer.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

A New Journey

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
والصلاة والسلام على أشرف المرسلين سيدنا محمد و على آله و أصحابه أفضل الصلاة والتسليم
ومن تانى تركت حفظ القرأن لانشغالى بأمور الدنيا الفانية و ضعفى مرة أخرى قدام الشيطان و هوايا و تضييع الوقت. و زاد الى ذلك انشغال معلمتى عنى لمدة سنة كاملة فهى لا بتتصل و لا بتسأل ولا بتحرص على تسميعى و كل ما اروح لها أحس انها بتستقبلنى كضيفة و يرجى عدم التكرار!!
وانا اصلا مش عايزه منها حاجة غير تصحيح نطقى و تشجيعى على تكملة الطريق. هى دلوقتى اتغيرت, بس جزاها الله كل خير و الله يبارك لها و يوفقها لإنها السبب بعد إعانة الله فى حفظى لكثير من القرأن. فكانت دايما مرحبة بيا و مشجعة و طالبة منى مجهود اكثر فى الحفظ.
يعلم ربى قد ايه بحبها و أتمنى لها كل الخير و أسأل الله أن يعينها فى أمور دنياها و كبر سنها.
فدلوقتى بعد توهان كثير لمدة سنة و نص بحاول ابدأ من الأول تانى. زرت النهار ده دار تحفيظ و بإذن الله هنبدأ انا و صحبتى منى فى حفظ ربعين كل إسبوع من سورة النساء و مراجعة حزب كامل اسبوعيا من القديم. الله المستعان
المعلمة آيه كانت مرحبة بينا اوى خصوصا لما عرفت ان احن صيادلة. بنتها كمان فى صيدلة أصغر مننا بأربع سنين ووعدناها ان احن هنتعرف عليها فى الكلية و نخليها نشارك معانا فى حاجات فى الجامعة.
طنط آيه جواها حماس جامد جدا ومش متوقهخ مننا أى حاجة أقل من الكم الكبير من الحفظ اللى مطلوب مننا. نظرتها لينا و هى بتقول لنا: هتقدروا؟؟؟ كانت قويه و فيها تحدى و امل فينا. واحن ردينا عليها بكل ثقة: ايوه ان شاء الله هنقدر!!!
خرجنا من عندها كل واحدة فينا مش عارفه تقول ايه من الإحساس اللى جواها. أخيرا حد رحب بينا و هيشجعنا نحفظ القرآن. لأ و بتتحدانا كمان. هو احن نطول!!!
حضنا بعض على السلم ووقفنا كده شويه و كل واحده فى قلبها عارفه انها هتكون رفيقة فى الطريق. لو منى ما حفظتش هتتهزأ مني و لو انا طنشت هاخد على دماغى. ركبنا العربية و قعدنا فى النادى شويه نقرا الجرايد و نتكلم عن حال البلد و مين كان يصدق كبرنا و بقينا بكالريوس؟؟؟ بعد ساعة صلينا الظهر و بعد الصلاة منى حضنتنى تانى يمكن من الفرحة ان النهار ده اول يوم مع بعض على طريق الحفظ للقرآن. انا مش عارفه هى حضنتنى ليه بس ده كان تفكيرى ساعتها. لما قعدنا تانى قولت لها يا منى انا عايزه ألبس عبايات. قالت بجد؟ طب تعالى ألف معاكى على محلات العبايات و تشوفى ايه عجبك و تحفظى اماكن المحلات. اتحمست جدا من سرعة تفكيرها فى التنفيذ, ما ادتنيش فرصة اتردد لحظة!
لفينا لمدة ساعتين و لاقيت حاجات شيك جداً. هو اى نعم العباية بالقليلة 300 جنيه بس شكلها تحفه!! بعدها وصلت منى الصيدلية اللى بتتدرب فيها و سلمت على د. إنجى اللى قعدت تتريق على فرق الطول بينى و بين منى. احن التلاته قلعنا الجزم و قعدنا نقيسفرق الطول بيننا. طبعا الناس اللى فى الصيدلية كانوا متنحين. تلاقيهم كانوا بيفكروا مجانين دول ولا ايه؟ 3 دكاترة حافيين هههههه. ضحكنا شويه و بعد 5 دقايق كنت فى عربيتى و فى طريقى للبيت.
كان يوم جميل اوى. انا كنت محتاجه اليوم ده من زمان. الله يجمع بينى و بين منى على خير و يوفقنا فى حفظ القرأن مع بعض.
يا رب قوينى

Not much

  • I'm Jannah
  • From Cairo, Egypt
  • If I am as honest as I know how to be, I may discover here as I write, day after day, something in myself, something of my own nature... that I might otherwise not be aware of...
That's it

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