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There She Goes Again

WOW it's been a while since I've last blogged! OK... salam alaikum first :)

Hope everything is going on fine with all of you...

I'm starting my final FINALS in 20 days, this is the last term ever inshAllah, after that, we're all on our own. I'm filled with excitement @ the thought of graduation. It's like telling a prisoner "Man, your jailtime is over, you're FREE!". Like a prisoner, I'm a lil bit confused at the life out there, the thoughts aren't clear yet... the picture is quite foggy... but nevertheless, ANYTHING is hopefully better than being a student in one of the most difficult faculties in the country! So, in that area of my life... ME JUST CAN'T WAIT!

In another area, however, I've discovered that I'm the most picky person any man can propose to! Which is aweful, you know, I never thought of myself as picky. I hate picky people & I've never been picky in my life... till just 2 months ago... when after my sister's engagement,lots of suiters started proposing. I explain the reasons to myself, & I'm quite convinced actually. You see, if you live in Cairo, then I guess you know the picture. If you don't, then you don't.

For eg.
Suiter number 1:Engineer. 32 yrs old. Proposed the moment he saw me. Friend of sister's fiance. Not religious.
There's nothing wrong with being 32 yrs old. But I'm 20 you see? 12 yrs difference is alot in my eyes. Plus, he's not religious.

Suiter number 2: Ophthalmologist (Eye Doctor). 27 yrs old. Again, the moment he saw me. Friend of sister's fiance. Prays ever Friday.

Suiter number 3: Engineer. 25 yrs old. Friend of sister's fiance. Party Guy. Doesn't pray.

Suiter number 4: Engineer. 29 yrs old. From KSA. His mother proposed once she saw me.
(Aw come on, Egyptian men have a charm, a lovely spirit, and are real men. Plus, I didn't even understand a word the woman said... my mother had to translate! Is he supposed to tell me Good morning, and I say WHAT, plz translate? hehe! In addition to that, leaving the country is out of question, even if it's with an Egyptian man. )

Suiter number 5: Pharmacist.21 yrs old. Student with me. Very religious & very in love.
My father refused to meet any undergraduates. Plus, on the scale of attraction, I score zero with this guy!

.... Ok.. let me stop here, and put down some notes. Here's what I saw from my analysis to those and the others. There aren't any rules, these are just a few criteria that may be true:
  • If the man is muslim, then it doesn't necessarily mean that he prays. Those, are mostly good-looking. Their personality, not attractive.
  • If the man is muslim + he prays, he may not be religious either & most probably has no religious ambitions. Also, could be good looking & open minded, has a good personality. ( Sister's fiance, stands here.)
  • If the man is muslim + he prays + he's religious, then he doesn't want you working, he wants your life to be all about your husband, and your kids. Ambitions, are not allowed. You're not superwoman, and your job never was to fix the country. Fix your home first. I forgot to add, that this kind never gets satisfied either.
Can't a girl wish for a muslim, who prays, has respectful morals, a great personality(including romantic, ambitious, hard worker, and tender), is open-minded, AND RELIGIOUS??? Are those characters, that I dream to be in my future husband, so hard to find?

No, they're not hard to find. Because, in came suiter number 11, with all those in him, but... I scared him away! HAHA (laughing out of disappointment in myself)... I don't believe I did that!

First, how did I get to know him?
Last year, when we were working in a conference, he was part of the team. He was one year older, so now he's working. I noticed him, yes, because he'd always come and help me, or solve any issues for me. But I never noticed he had feelings for me. I was so busy in getting things done. Then after a year, when he'd already started working at a great job, he came to college and saw me. He said Hi, and since I don't talk to guys at college, I kept it short. But I noticed, just then, that this guy has some feelings or is up to something.(aha.. i read eye language)

On the attraction scale from 1 to 10, my attraction towards him scores 20! Which is a good sign, to me, bec. I came to a point when I didn't get attracted to any of the others, and thought, is there sth wrong with me?

Anyways, I did scare him away, by not agreeing to meet him @ college. He kept on trying to convince me, saying that it's important, & that it will surprise me. I didn't change my opinion. Then he said, it's about a 3arees ( a suiter), and that he has to tell me face to face, it's the only right way, and to my surprise, my reply was: My principles (that I don't meet guys) are more important than any topic! OMG... Yes I'm glad I stood up for my principles. & if he's really serious he could find a way... he knows my sister, his sister knows me... whatever, he should think of sth.
But my engaged sister, when she heard this, told me " you have just driven away the best man that has ever come knocking at your door, I bet now he fears rejection more than anything!, you could have just agreed, and I would have come with you, so u wouldn't have been alone with him, & that's not against ur principles (yes she's right, but I didn't think of that alternative at the time) ... anyways... he'll come again. I don't think he'll let go that easily."
and my answers were... if he wants to let go, Let Him! and if he's really driven away, then that is Allah's will... so alhamdullelah for anything & everything!

Another reason for refusing to meet him (other than my scary principles, yes), is that I knew that I'd get all blushy, red, and shy listening & seeing him propose face-to-face. I know I won't stand strong & tall while he says it & I don't want him to notice that. Not just now.

Ah well... a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, and a man's gotta wonder when he'll ever get through! HAHA!

Lastly, I've prayed istekhara, and have complete yaqin that if he's "the one", Allah will let him try again, and if he's not, then elhamdulellah, I don't wish for anything other than Allah's will. I know that what is in store for me is better than I've been hoping for. Please pray for me.

may Allah choose what's best for all of us, see all soon.

Jannah

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Whatever may be your choice in matters of a suitor - I advise you to marry young. Its fun to be a young married couple.

--
"[...]Prophet once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry[...]"
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 3 [Bukhari]
--

I'm sure your aware of this hadith. Best with Marriage!

Hope you do well in your exams sweetie.. Rabena m3aki

As for the suitors issue... tell me about it !!! Join the club... been there... done that :-S

Bas don't worry... and as long as you're praying estekhara and betakhdi belasbab ... kol kheir isA.. as for the "not religious and/or don't pray" guys... I refuse to even meet them... it's a "must" big time ya3ni... w ba3dein don't be so hard on the guys ya benti .. there are some really nice religious guys in your age group (my bros friends are awesome mashALlah ... too bad they're too young for me ;-) hehehe

Believe me, when the time comes it'll all go fine...and remember..."Ma 7addesh beyetgawwez merat 7ad" !!!

Thanks Dunia's stranger for the hadith!

Dearest Me,
Glad you're back to blogging Me :)
Your words were so supportive subhanAllah.
Gazaky Allah Khayran sister. & wishing you the very best ya rab!

Inshaallah you go well with your exams and inshAllah he'll be 'the one'!

Jamila, you're so sweet :) Thanks dear, inshAllah all will go well.

We 3aleikom elsalam,

At last, I found a new post on your blog, you seam so busy these you don't blog frequently.
Wish you good luck with your last term exams.
hope you won't get chocked by the real world as we all did.
Nice story and a good story teller, you know this was what scares me the most in the past, to find the right woman and to feel it is the one but something comes beteen us and push us apart.
And now I see it in a different way, it is all about faith and god's will, when ever you will find your match, you will find yourself driven to him and all the circumstences are in favour of gathering you two.
Any way I wish you a happy life full of love with someoone who can see the real person in you and apreciate you as you are.
waiting for you to finish your exams to see more posts.

I just found your blog. Don't be in a hurry to marry. It's better to wait until the right guy comes along. You should talk to a guy before he proposes to you, it's not just about looks. That's very superficial. Muslims from a lot of countries can be very superficial though, when it comes to marrying. Looks matter too much. I am glad you want to marry a guy who will not be controlling, and let you actually leave the house. It may be hard to find guys who are religious but won't be so controlling though. Been there, done that.

Hugs and good luck!

Anisah

Hechkok,
Yes.. it's all about Allah's will. That's why I don't worry much. Having yaqin in what Allah has in store for you saves both time & sins! I wish you a happy life too. Thx bro.

Dear Anisah,

Welcome to my blog sis :)
Hamdullah, I never gave looks a consideration,
In fact the things I consider in a man are:
does he pray?
Is he religious & want to do sth for Islam?
what are his morals & principles?
Is he open-minded?
Is he responsible?
Is he on a similar financial & educational level as me?

Looks never mattered at all, think of the Sahaba, how they were REAL MEN who raised the Ummah, did it ever matter what they looked like?

The controlling guys, they don't really understand Islam as it truly is, or else they wouldn't behave so badly. A religious man should be at peace with everything & everyone, seeking the good for him & his wife (not for him alone). & of course, he should NOT have ego problems!

Jannah, but most of the men care so much about looks when they get married. It's obvious by how men proposed to you after just seeing you. A man proposing after just looking at you cannot know if you are a good person inside or your personality.

salams Jannah..

I was blo-hopping and found ur blog..very nice entries u have here.:)

btw, I'm from Malaysia..

Anisah,
Yes,ALL men of all countries & religions care about looks first, personality afterwards. It's their nature.


Salamz Fiza,
Welcome here sister, I'm from Egypt. Thanks for passing by!

Jannah, no all men are NOT like that. Or else women who were overweight or not pretty would not get married. That's not their nature, that's how some stupid people act. Saying it's their nature just lets them get away with crap like that.

I'm sure a woman could be pretty in many ways. and a man who will marry, should find that thing in her that attracts him. It could just be her smile, or her voice, or her hair... even if she's overweight, it doesn't mean she's not pretty in his eyes.

so what I think is, a man who marries a "not pretty" girl, really does see her pretty, even if it's not apparent to us.

umm... if there are any guys reading this, why don't you tell us about your priorities???

I'm very much enjoying this discussion lol

I don't find your 'principle' to be strange. If the guy is religious, and likes you, then like you said he doesn't need to ask you to meet with him alone, instead he can have someone contact you or he could speak with you over the phone, which is still better.

Yes anonymous, totally agree with you too!

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Not much

  • I'm Jannah
  • From Cairo, Egypt
  • If I am as honest as I know how to be, I may discover here as I write, day after day, something in myself, something of my own nature... that I might otherwise not be aware of...
That's it

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