« Home | Those things you don't know about me » | ...Of Dreams Yet to Come True » | To "Dhany" or not to "Dhany"? » | Bits "n" Pieces » | Words of mine » | They call it "coincidence" » | and I'm back » | Inner Clutter » | The Poor: When hopelessness is Comfort » | My 15 Favourites- UPDATE! »

Distances Expanding

My Sister's engagement...

ya Allah... what am I to do? Things have been happening lately at home with her & K, her fiance. We've been getting ready for the engagement day, choosing our dresses, shopping and all that... but then we started to discover that the guy isn't that good. Now? Subhan Allah, YES now! His family, his sister who was our very close friend no longer calls or talks to us! Let his family aside now, K is more important to discuss.
Here's sort of the picture;

The man is 100% Down-to-Earth, Materialistic, Practical. He has no place for emotions as long as he's paying for something. Yes he shows it! He's always worried if he's going to lose anything. What is this? Marriage isn't supposed to be like that. It's between emotions and reality. Why can't he balance?I love my sister. I want her to be happy. I try not to say anything infront of her, so she wouldn't get upset. Everything is clear already, how practical he is, how he doesn't think before he says anything... she doesn't need me to open her eyes... but I do manage to say my opinion every once in a while so that she'd THINK. Well... she isn't doing any THINKING yet... no matter how many things he says, or situations he puts her through. You'll tell me leave her alone. Stay out of her business. HOW CAN I???? I love her like crazyyyyyy, thinking about this guy and the fact that he'll be her husband drives me nuts. I pray every day for her, and for him. I ask Allah to choose what's best for both of them. She doesn't understand, doesn't see... there's a saying that goes like " Allah wakeel alghaflaan" which means Allah is the supporter of those who are in Balala Land (those not aware of the reality around them), I like this translation LOL.

My mother feels the same as me & is having a hard time being around him. If this is how my mother is now, then what will she feel AFTER marriage? It's sad. There's no happiness in the house. This is not the atmosphere of a pleasant lovely optimistic engagement that every girl dreams of.

Daddy has nothing against them... he believe being THIS practical moneywise isn't that bad in the circumstances Egypt is going through these days. Noone knows what he'll still possess in the years to come.

My sister is beautiful, delicate, innocent, real kiiiind... I just wish he'd have a good heart like hers so she'd be happy. Hearts change don't they? But do MEN EVER CHANGE??? I've always believed in the rule that says "love as is, never try to change...", if only that rule was wrong, then the man would change into the most suitable kind and loving person for my sister... oh well...

Still... I am hopeful. Very hopeful. Who knows what the future will hold? May be this is just a shallow image of the guy... may be he'll be the best husband ever to her... may be being materialistic won't harm her... maybe maybe maybe... What do I know? I LOVE HER and want her to be happy. This is her choice afterall. Life is a couple of choices. I only wish this one would be taken wisely.

Your Sister's engagement...

His family thing isn't that big a deal, maybe just things got a little bit of formality, people get a little bit freaked out when the big day's nearby, dontcha think? And by freaked I mean cause of the arrangements.

And well maybe your sister is so aware of what is going on around her, it is just that maybe he is good enough to make her feel great, you know the thing is he is excessively practical when you look at him, cause the practical part of him is what surfaces when in contact with people, the only thing is maybe he is different when he talks to your sister. I mean it is like being at work, no one can tell usually tell if i have problems in real life. Maybe it is that, you act in a way that relates to the situation, you are romantic when you are around the one and living a moment, but you don't get all lovy dovy 24/7 just cause you are in love. And being smart about money isn't a bad thing in this day and age, I am not the man to talk though I am and idiot when it comes to saving, never could, never would.

It is just that you are so romantic I guess Jannah.

Seems like your mom is as romantic as you and seems like your dad balances emotions and thinking, it is how men get a family through the journey, believe me your sister's fiance may not be all bad after all.

Finally, my advice, check out if she feels different about all this, maybe she brings out the best in him, maybe he is being this practical when it comes to day to day life cause he cares enough to make sure, ten, twenty years from now, he and she and their kids to come are as happy as he wishes they would be.

You never know what is the force behind people's actions, there is always more when you look at some situation from all angles. And remember, every situation brings out a part in you, and it maybe all cause he is your sis's fiance, maybe if he was just a man out there you work with or study with, you would have judged him differently.

I hope this made you feel a little bit better and at ease about the whole thing...


Perhaps, underneath it all – underneath the seriousness, the so called practicality, the materialism – is the trapped innocent boy waiting for a innocent girl like your sister to share the world with.

Your sister may be the one – if it is the Qadr of Allah (swt).


La El Mateem Beyenfa'3 Wala El Mateeena..3al 'asl Dawwar! :)
(a quote from The Married -Al Mutazawwegoon play)

I agree utterly with you in that a marriage relationship should be a balance between materialism and emotions..

Love and feelings are necessary, but they are not everything.. before we get INVOLVED in marriage we should know what we are going through: a life, with all materialistics and headaches.. a link with a person that should end by death not at el maazoon or the court!

getting to the rule : love him as he is.. engagement is a period in which this rule is experminted.. as we used to say "e7na lessa 3albarr-we're still in the beginning of this".. things could be catastrophic if the marriage is done and you found that k or xyz is playing the fool all way long and ur sister found that the guy she accepted is someone else..

I see that you are lucky even to know about his family's characteristics as well.. marriage in our society is still tribal.. i.e, you can not say that x is married to y.. instead, you can accurately say that the whole x's family is married to the whole y's!

Very sensitive blog and very sincere comments which leaves me only with one thing to say although you could misjudjing him because he might be a different person with your sister and because he could be freaked up with the marriage idea especially when it aproaches but I do beleive in Women sense and having the same opinion you and your mother isn't easy so I think you two must have a serious talk with your sister in quite and slow way and without freaking her may be you could inlight something for her.

Yes it did make me feel less tense and better. Thank you. My mother and I are very similar in our irrational balance between emotions and reality. So seeing an absolute practical person is very hard for us to accept. I guess looking at him from a different angle helped too... he's a good person. I've seen him work, and his friends love him. I guess we can't have it all. Sigh.

My sister ignores the practical nature of his because on the other side he makes it clear that he'd do anything to make this marriage happen. Being engaged to a very determined man could make ANY girl get attached, even myself.

Dunia's Stranger,

I pray that what you say would really be the issue here. That inside this man is the innocent boy that will make my innocent sister happy. It is fate, yes... and that is the only thing that is soothing me; knowing that Allah is the AlMighty, the All Knowing SWT, that He will choose what is best for my sister. I know my daily prayers will be answered in a way that pleases Him only. And we in return, are submitting to Allah & His fate.

"a link with a person that should end by death not at el maazoon or the court!"

That's exactly what we're afraid of... or worse... not a divorce but an unhappy silent life like many women here...

Still tribal? I wish... at least when marriages are tribal there's a wise old man from every family that can deal with any problem. My friend living in Sohag knows her fiance's grandfather! but here in Cairo, we are detached from all this.
We have just known his family a few months ago, and the few acquaintances have shown that his mother and sister are very jealous, not very welcoming. But after doing some research, we found out that most mothers and sisters are like that at the beginning, most soon change. So there's no problem there at the moment.

Thank you for your advice. We have just sat (Mother, sister and me) yesterday and had a very long talk about K.
InshAllah I'll write what went on very soon.

Meanwhile, to everyone, please pray everything passes smoothly.

congratulations !
3o2balek insha2allah .

isa he'll be a nice man to her.
w 3o2balik w byee :)

"Still... I am hopeful. Very hopeful. Who knows what the future will hold? May be this is just a shallow image of the guy... may be he'll be the best husband ever to her"

that's the kind of attitude i was hoping you'd have eventually. you have to trust your sister's decision since the characteristics you don't like about him aren't very critical.

rabbena yetammem bekheer isA

Post a Comment

Not much

  • I'm Jannah
  • From Cairo, Egypt
  • If I am as honest as I know how to be, I may discover here as I write, day after day, something in myself, something of my own nature... that I might otherwise not be aware of...
That's it

Men Scribblers

Website Counter
Hit Counter